Whatsapp Chronicles – Chapter 1

9:03 AM

Baangd: Did 10k in under an hour today

Atom: Well done bhaangd

Bird: Bhaangd? Thum?

Abs: Did you bleed from your nipples today?

Ir: Shabash, ab undar jaake hila

Gol: This is old news. I read about this yesterday

Baangd: Thanks Atom, No bleeding this time Abs. I used petroleum jelly and strapped a long silk band-aid around my chest area. I think we can call this a man bra

Bird: WTF, my son’s a girl

Ma: Well done baangd, we’re so proud of you

Bird: That he’s turned into a chick?

Gol: This is old news. I knew my grandson was a woman

Atom: Bhaangd, try victoria secret ka 2014 sports collection instead of your home made contraption

Bird: Come to think of it, I always wanted a daughter

Guppi: No no my husband is a man

Paro: Waah waah bangad, ab tereko whisper gift karega

…..

Long silence

…..

1:45 PM

Mannu: Jhakaas baangda, tamma tamma pe naach ab with your man bra

Mannu: Awesome weather today. Chilly winds. Ekdum chillout chivas and sheesha time

Abs: Saale subhe ko daaru piyega bewde

MJ: Hai Ram! what a conversation

Gol: This is old news wifey

Paro: A man is speeding in his Ferrari on the highway…….suddenly a hare hops up from nowhere, onto the road. Unable to dodge it he runs right over it…………overcome by concern he stops his car to inspect the hare……….the hare is dead. Being an animal lover, our Ferrari driver tries to bring the hare back to life……..he frantically searches the dicky of his car and finds a spray- can there…….he sprays the dead   animal with it…suddenly the hare springs back to life……..it runs along the road….looks back and waves at the man….then again runs along some distance, looks back and waves at him…..and then again runs further looks back and waves… the man looks at the can and reads these words…

.

‘HAIR SPRAY, BRINGS LIFE TO DEAD HAIR. INCREASES WAVINESS’

…..

Short pause

…..

4:17 PM

Mannu: Lol

Gol: Old PJ hai yeh

Ir: Bewa, your quality of jokes have improved after marriage

Baangd: Appu, Appu, Appu

Ir: Bol IQless

Baangd: Half Pint

Mannu: Baangd kuch naya bol na

Mannu: Abey Murasoli Maran

Bird: How is that naya, mind over matter? Mere bete ko kosna bandh karo

Abs: beti*

Bird: Haan, my son may be a girl, but he’s still my son

Bird: He may give location coordinates when no one needs it, but he’s still my son

Abs: daughter*

Gol: I need old news, so I can say this is old news. Someone give me old news

Ir: Modi will become PM

Gol: Stop saying that shawty, you don’t know s**t

…..

Short(ish) pause

…..

7:55 PM

Baangd: Having long island at Jugheads

Ir: Bal Ganesh, khaana kam kar

Baangd: Saale Half Pint, mein pee rah hoon

Ir: Woh bhi kam kar

Baangd: But I blojed and jogged, so its ok … hehe self OTS

(In a censored group)

PP: Image

Mannu: Hehe

Alpu: Lol

Ir: Hahahaa

Gol: Lmao, I saw this last month, lah

Ir: Abey chairman LMAO, last month dekha tho aaj hassa kyun?

Gol: I liked it then shawty, I still like it

Ir: Tho last month dekha yeh bolna zaroori tha?

Gol: I told you, I like doing this s**t

(Back in main group)

Baangd: I’m at jugheads

Ir: Gapp bus gajkaran, you already told us

Baangd: I know, I’m just saying

Abs: Check this app http://play.google.com/….***d

Bird: Will it kill my battery?

Paro: http://bit.ly/a***d

Paro: Insane s**t

Abs: Hmm

Gol: Old hai yeh

Atom: Let’s go to Sholay 3D 10pm show tomorrow folks

Ma: I want to go toooo

Paro: Me three

…..

Short pause

…..

8.30 PM

Abs (in censored group): Chal bhailog, Krishna

Bird: Chal

Gol: Chal

Alpu: Chal

Mannu: Mereko istree karne jaana hai

Paro: Tight, Fight, Scene, Stress

Baangd: Same here, Baangdi will do all that to me

Outside Whatsapp

Abs (calling Baangd asking him to come to Krishna)

Baangd: Ok, but Baangdi will kill me, since I’m right now with her. I’ll see if I can come later, after finishing my 10 course meal here.

Baangd: (In Konkani) Krishna …….

Guppi: Konkani OTS (same treatment Hulk gave Loki in Avengers, only this is in Konkani)

Back in Whatsapp

10:24 PM

Baangd (in censored group): I’m at Jogeshwari

Mannu: Tabela?

Alpu: hehe

Abs: Ok, but you coming right?

Baangd: Nahi re

Abs: Ok, Abey Alpi tu aane waale tha?

Alpu: I thought plan nahi bana

Bird: WTF

Alpu: … so I went to sleep

PP: I’m coming …

11:44 PM

Outside Whatsapp

Everyone’s drinking and hogging

PP enters …

PP: Mein ek peg hi marega

Gol: Mangola time

Abs: Saafi Rice

Bird: burp!

Abs: Bill

Back in Whatsapp

01:04 AM

PP: Reached home

Bird: I’m confused, why was Param Pujya renamed to Param Pimp

Gol: Just reached Krishna

Gol: Goodnight

…..

Short pause

…..

2.15 AM

Maushi: Awesome baangd, well done on your run

Maushi: Chal Anu I’m game for Sholay

…..

Short pause

…..

4.35 AM

Baangd: Ate too much last night. Download chalu hai

…..

Short pause

…..

9:03 AM

Baangd: Nipples bled today

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