Statue of Puberty

Our kids (in particular, the Ghoshs, the Iyers, the Kunders, Mehtas, Manniges, Palanys, Yederys, Raos, Joshis, Nadkarnis, Mathurs, Tanks) would one day exhibit a part of our genome (time to go woohoo) when their nursery rhymes go like …

Iyer’s kid
twinkle twinkle little star
how i wonder how you are
up above the world so high
appa amma in the sky
yeh jo chaand hai na ….

Alap’s kid
johnny johnny
yes papa
eating sugar
no papa
telling lies
no papa
open your mouth
go F#*$ yourself

Baangd’s kid
mary had a little lamb
little lamb, little lamb
mary had a little lamb
to kya mein naachu?
daaad, i want busta rhymes

Mannu’s kid
Baa, baa black sheep
Have you any food
Yes sir, yes sir
Three bags full
Sahi hai Sahi hai
Ma, i’m hungry, gimme thepla and undhio

Andy’s kid
Row, row, row your boat
Gently Down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Life is but a dream.
I will still not tell Krupal’s kid
ki woh roti kyu khaata hai

Abhi’s kid
London Bridge is falling down,
Falling down, falling down.
London Bridge is falling down,
Lamba story hai, baadmein batayega

Paro’s kid
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To fetch a pail of water,
I willin’t tell you what happened afterwards

Bird’s kid
This old man, he played one;
He played knick-knack on my thumb.
With a knick-knack, paddy whack,
This old man, hey he’s my own dad.

Apoo’s kid
A B C D E F G
H I J K Let me go pee
Old MacDonald had a farm, E I E I O,
Now I know my ABCs

Pully’s kid
Ring-a-ring o’roses
A pocket full of posies,
Atishoo! Atishoo!
We all fall down.
This is not helping me Pa
Can i please study for my SATs

Harshal’s kid
Hickory, dickory, dock,
The mouse ran up the clock.
AMD struck one
Intel struck nine
Hickory, dickory, dock
I want to clock my block

Alpu’s kid
Spiderman, Spiderman
Friendly neighbourhood Spiderman
(Interrupted by Dad)
“That’s not a Nursery Rhyme”
I know dad, I was teasing

Pals’ kid
Humpty Dumpty
Sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty
Had a great fall
Waaaaaaah Waaaaaah
MuuuhMeeeeee

Krupal’s kid
I’m a little teapot
Short and stout
Here is my handle
Here is my spout
When I get all steamed up
Hear me shout
I sound like my daddy
and bloj in my shorts

This post attempts to illustrate the choices made by us and their inherited follies. With that knowledge in order, it may also hurt sentiments of all those mentioned above and also turn nasty with riot bombs being hurled towards me by respective spouses. Worry not, coz I promise to bring their genome pools into a fresh batch of Nursery Rhymes as well. I sure can wait till everyone above ties the knot.

Also a third version will be created, which will have a mix-match of the husband-wife combined gene pool and direct attempts to assassinate their characters is quite obviously imminent.

Disclaimer: If any of the above families feel the need to dispute on the Rhyme selected and it’s inherited style, they may do so by actually procreating (usually takes nine months and a couple of years at least for the first few words to pop out) thereby proving that their respective kid sings the rhyme differently. All qualms of suing me will be taken in light spirit with mixing agents like cola or soda to be consumed at Alap’s place.

I would also like to invite you all to post alternatives to the above Rhymes in the comments section below, in true spirit, exhibiting all possible characteristics of the aforementioned (including me) with no qualms on holding back on assassination attempts.

Just couldn’t resist putting this on ……

I had my first real six rupees,
Stole it from my father’s pants.
went to a madrasi hotel,
to eat the sambhar of 69.
Me and some kadke dost,

had it all and we caught bukhaar,
jimy puked, joey got ulcers,
and Bagga ne maari dakar.

Oh when I went back there now,
the food was as stale as ever,
and though it was 1999,
still the sambhar was being served over there,

that was the worst food of my life.

Therez no use in complaining,
when you got no other place to eat,
rushed in the evening to the doctors clinic,
but he too was at the toilet seat, yeah

standing there waiting outside,
nurse told me I will wait forever,
oh and when I held my breath,
I knew that I had to use that loo there
That was the worst food of my life.

Back to the sambhar of 69.

Man I was getting killed,
I was full and restless,
I needed to unwind,
I guess nothing can wait forever – FOREVER… NO!!!!

And now the dhabas are changing,
new dishes have come and gone,
sometimes when I pass that old madrasi lane,
I still smell it, I can’t be wrong.

Standing in those unwashed clothes,
the waiters still call me in there,
oh the way my nostrils burn,
I know that it will be served forever,
what was the worst food of my life.

yeah it was the sambhar of 69,

the sambhar, the sambhar, the sambhar of 69

- courtesy Giri

Bewa aka Paro aka Paras (Note: Paras is not plural for Paro)’s guju hiphop song with sub titles

Parag Gandhi (a guju dude in his office) … comes and tells him,
“Paras chal lets write a guju hiphop .. I give u a tune” .. and he goes “su kare che aatu su kare che .. su kare che aatu su kare che”

Paro had the pen hai? expression on his face at first .. and then he thought he’d give it a thought just to see what comes about …

… and this is what Paro came up with …

su kare che aa tu su kare che (what u doin hey man what u doin?),
parag ni baaju maa besi aatu su kare che(sittin next to parag dude waht u doin?),

su kare che aa tu su kare che (what u doin hey man what u doin?),
parag ni baaju maa besi aatu su kare che(sittin next to parag dude waht u doin?),

parag che ch***yo, dekhave bhootyo( parag is his mothors first born child, looks like a ghost),
shahrukh ni copy karta eeno land je tutiyo(immitating shahrukh, he broke his dick)

pachi su??(en what??)

pachi toh salo gay thai gayo che(en hes become a gay),
gaaaandu .. bi thai gayo che(mad … hes become a bi)

chokraoo ne pherve (dates all his guy friends),
chokri ne puche .. ben aani recipe su che?(asks all his female friends … sister cud u share this recipe with me please?)

su kare che aa tu su kare che (what u doin hey man what u doin?),
parag ni baaju maa besi aatu su kare che(sittin next to parag dude waht u doin?),

eena daddy toh hairam, mom che pareshan (his daddy is shocked, his mom is tensed)
bhai ben nu toh khabar nahi pan purush mitr bole .. aaiii parag aaviyo run!!(dont know bout his bro n sis but his male friends say .. ohh parags coming run),

su kare che aa tu su kare che (what u doin hey man what u doin?),
parag ni baaju maa besi aatu su kare che(sittin next to parag dude waht u doin?).

roaking gaan Paro … you roak bhai …