Statue of Puberty

Dedicated to my cutie friend Basanti (name changed for reason’s previously not discussed)
She comes in at the fag end of this discussion with R … hence the “taang”

R if ur reading this .. you have better things to do man …

R: what did u do? how was matheran
Me: it was good fun. still in hangover
R: haha.. i can guess u wud have boozed a lot. went with office folks? or ur outside friends
Me: have fever, cold, sore throat etc etc
R: oops.. i shld have guesed.. u wud have gone with ur “important Person”
Me: nah .. building folks + college folks. nah … everybody in my life is important man, u are important to me, basanti is important to me, k is important to me, so are r and p
R: haha.. ok ok !!
Me: although p is more important to u … frm the reports i get
R: “good escape technology”, YOU ARE GETTING WRONG REPORTS
Me: and then “counter attack”
R: I dont want to be a FOE of John Wolski !!
Me: hahaa whos John Wolski
R: P’s Boy friend.. u never heard of it?!! thats too bad !!
Me: nope
R: see.. ur Sources not giving you the right info
Me: maybe .. ur hearing what u want to hear
R: Better u make me as ur source of info .. more precise and true info will be with u
Me: usually get my info right .. i get facts
R: but not this one:)
Me: not stories, there’s a thin line between a fact and a story. but the difference is hugeee
R: ” ur hearing what u want to hear ” – holds true for u !!
Me: holds true for all of us u know what i mean now right?
R: i would rather not want to
Me: grin
R: grin
Me: kiddin re .. hows work coming along. i miss u guys man
R: I know u are kidding .. work – as usuall busy U know.. I wud rather say we are missing you!!
Me: are u guys really?
R: I was roaming a lot when u were here.. some how.. not getting to roam a lot with these folks. I cant tell abt others.. I am telling abt myself
Me: ah yea .. everyone else also tells me the same
R:
Me: i dunno why we roamed so much though
R: haha
Me: but make a new year resolution now …
R: Remembered our G’burg drive during the new year eve I have already made a resolution !!
Me: u will go out more often. doesnt matter who it is with.: there .. write it down or print it
R: haha.. I said.. i have already made a resolution
Me: hmm
R: there can be only one new year resolution
Me: there is always a provision to add more
R: my resolution was – “Not to make any new year resolution(s) ”
Me: no .. now we have upgraded the resolution system. it supports multiple entries
R: haha..
Me: ok .. so what is ur resolution.
R: I told.. better be careful not to skip my messages.. lemme repeat it again “my resolution was – “Not to make any new year resolution(s) ” ”
Me: ah .. u copy my resolutions. that’s mine this year
R: I thought u did
Me: too
R: That has been my resolution for all these years
Me: yes .. i had no resolutions earlier though. this yea i was forced into it. and so i forced meself out of it
R: haha.. !! good try !!
Me: back to work now
R: njoy!!. (atlest from this year start doing ur work properly
Me: basanti said her new yr resolution was to work harder … i gave her a “…”
R: oh.. good.. atleast now she thought that she shld work
Me: ahh … i’ll tell her u made this statement
R: I can tell that myself
Me: hahaa. do that
R: lemme copy and paste this to her
Me: i did that to her too
R: i know u r always fast
Me: in fact i told her she wont be able to comply with it. nah i didnt copy paste this convo. do it
R: done it
Me: goody .. now i’ll get gaalis.: alongside u
R: nope.. I dint not copy and paste what u said later
Me: do that too. upto this point we’ll now get strange north south combo gaalis
R: haha.. done till ur last gaali line
Me: )
R: Quote: Basanti – dont spread rumours !!. i deny ever making statements related to working harder
Me: hahaa
Basanti (to me): jobless
Me: she calls me jobless
R: of course !! any doubts?
Basanti: why do they have nickels here…we can’t use them anywhere…i have so many nickel…
Basanti: hopeless
Me: hehee cutie
Basanti: it’s not cute… i want a dollar… and all i have is nickel
Me: I’m blogging about you
Basanti: seriously…jobless

yea me thinks so too …

A grave situation encompasses us all …
One that has elements of terror and pain …
An incredibly mighty contamination surge has hit us …

Bird flu has hit the country bad … the rest of the world even harder …

We’re killing birds (infected and suspected carriers) in the numbers. H5N1 is killing many of our dear friend’s cousins and relatives through direct and/or in-direct means (mass culling).

We hit upon a conversation with the lead architect himself (itself) “The Bird” (some have pronounced a name upon the same, Priyadarshan Nadkarni aka Kumar Bird).

Scene 1 [ Happy Restaurant ]

Reuters: Do you have a contingency plan to curb this wide epidemic?
Bird: No
Reuters: So you wish to leave it up to the respective state and nation’s governing powers to carry forward their selective culling methods?
Bird: No
Reuters: You are speaking in single syllables today.
Bird: Singhal, that’s my boss
Reuters: Could you please elaborate on the steps you would be taking to curb this epidemic?
Bird: I have bigger things on my mind now. Like governance and taking care of the heavy responsibilities of our human kind. I’m the only one who can save this planet and it’s beings.
Reuters: (puzzled) So is that what you were created for?
Bird: Yes
Reuters: So how do you plan to do that?
Bird: Did you see my new shoes?
Reuters: Do you have estimates on the number of bird killings in your country?
Bird: You haven’t commented on my shoes yet!!
Reuters: Could we please stick to the grave topic of concern here please?
Bird: It will just take you a minute to respond to the one I put forth. You can take more though. I’d like your review to be extensive.
Reuters: (WTF man) They’re good, I’m not much of a shoe person.
Bird: Ok good. Why don’t we go to Powai? I’ll show you my office and my bus stop
Reuters: Lets please work at completing this interview. I don’t understand why you’re so not involved in this. This matter should have been at the top of your priority list.
Bird: I told you I’m not interested in small matters like this flu thing. I have a bigger picture to look at.
Reuters: It so happens that my boss will murder me if I don’t get something good out of this session with you.
Bird: What’s your boss’s name? I dislike him already
Reuters: Dilbert
Bird: Did you know that Wikipedia has info on Gilbert Hill?
Reuters: I said Dilbert, that’s my boss’s name. And what in the world is Gilbert Hill?
Bird: Give me Dilbert’s number right away!! I will tell him that you don’t deserve to be a journalist. You don’t know about Gilbert Hill?
Reuters: I don’t think we’re going anywhere with this
Bird: I told you we should have done this in Powai. You know if we put lights around the Powai Lake driveway, it would actually look like Bombay’s second queen’s necklace?
Reuters: This has been a waste of time.
Bird: Time is a human perception defined as the length of an interval separating two points on a non-spatial continuum in which events occur in apparently irreversible succession from the past through the present to the future.
Reuters: Goodbye Mr. Bird. And no it wasn’t a pleasure meeting you.
Bird: The pleasure was all mine … but where are you going? We still have to go see the bus stop
Reuters: (slams the briefcase and heads out of Happy)
Bird: (opens book and starts reading)

Scene 1 ends

Scene 2 [ abhi calls bird ]

Me: Item kidar hai? (bastard, where are you?)
Bird: Happy mein hai, aur kaha rahega chodu (in Happy, where else you f***in guy)
Me: I’m at Shopper’s … Chal CT? (lets go booze at our favourite joint)
Bird: Chal (ok)
Bird: I got new shoes
Me: Yea yea .. pakka mat .. chal jaldi (zzzz)

Scene 2 ends [ we already know what happens in CT ]

… once again Bird ponders upon his journey into saving the planet, strategizing and laying down the rules for the New bird Order.

Bird’s flu lives on …

Very few posts on blogs actually go to the extent of describing your dear buddies. This unfortunately is one such post. I hate to admit it, but Baangd (OR “The Baangd”) often marks himself as the star-crossed court jester who knowingly goes to all extents of humane sacrifices to submit himself to the appeasement of his fellow beings (i.e. we, the underminers)

The Baangd, Vital Stats:
Height: 5′6” (approx … we think)
Weight: unmeasureable
Shape: Generally round (all over)
Distinctive appeal: looks like a Stuffed teddy/toy, sometimes sports a rose over his left ear

After the rains, we came across this hidious conversation on gmail … a mail titled “Alive……………………………..i had to do this………OTS”, after which you will find a factual fiction(al) tale of a typical nite at CT (Coastal Treat), so here goes …

Baangd: Inspite of many buffoloes dying in the floods, I managed to excape and live my life.
Paro: sud we consider this as ur good look or our bad luck?
Baangd: good look?
(long pause … 2 days … no net)
Alap: wat a fundoo conversation
(short pause … 1 day … lazy oafs)
Baangd: people, inputs pls
Iyer: i think rains have washed off the original text from the mails of both baangdu and paras…
the original mail still lies in the safe vaults of their sent items
Abhi: Are we meeting @ CT tonite?
Bird: Yes
Iyer: tumlog kyu karte ho yaar aisa (IOW, wimps & cries) mujhe kal belapur jaana hai
Paro: I won’t eat, it’s Saturday
Baangd: I like aunties …… OTS
Alap: wat a fundoo conversation
Abhi: Define “fundoo”
Iyer: (wimps & cries)
Bird: I hate my boss
Paro: Lets go for a drive
Alap: I have to go do tatti
Bird: Prawns pepper garlic kidar hai?
Alap: I’m alergic to prawns
Iyer: (Imitates Sanjeev Kumar) Yeh jo chaand hai na …. …. …. woh din mein …
Alap: hahaaa
Abhi: hahaaa
Paro: teheehe
Bird: (smirk)
Baangd: (burps) ….. tehehee OTS

(Mannu & Andy enter)

Mannu: Bhaiyalog .. kaisa hai … (hugs all around)
Mannu: Ahhh food!!!
Andy: Chal, lets go to boat club
Iyer: kya yaar tumlog kyu karte ho aisa (wimps)
Alap: Mujhe tatti aa rah hai
Bird: These prawns are stale
Baangd: I like chemical brothers … teheeh OTS
Fat Uncle on the side (pointing at abhi and/or bird): I know you
Bird: I hate my boss
Abhi: (to waiter … hand signalling a repeat)
Iyer: I want port wine
Andy: Aee humlog Goa jaate hai yaar
Baangd: teheehe OTS
Iyer: (wimps & cries)
Alap: be back after tatti
Mannu: (to waiter) … do plate tangdi kabab
Fat Uncle on the side: I hate my boss too (… and Bird and uncle hit off)
Paro: Lets go for a drive
Andy: Aee humlog Singapore jaate hai yaar
Baangd: I was fooled to buy unbranded orange sanitary napkins in a plastic bag for 200 bucks … OTS
Paro: Arey tuney woh Ad dekha … kya fundoo tha woh
Bird: (why don’t I have a screen guard for my PDA yet?)
Alap: (after tatti … to waiter) do plate bombil fry
Iyer: Ae mein ghar jaa rah hoon yaar
Alap: chup bait biatch … sit ..
Abhi: (slaps iyer)
Mannu: Ae NT Rama Rao
Iyer: abey Nishiganda Waad
Mannu: Ae Prabhu Deva
Iyer abey Suresh Wadkar
Krupal: Aee Maaunt Everaist (naah … krupal wasn’t there … but i had to put this man …)
Baangd: OTS
Alap: (to waiter) … do aur bombil fry aur ek chicken manchow soup, one by two
Baangd: I’m not having soup
Alap: Biatch, the quantity is more when we order one-by-two
Baangd: Oh oki … OTS .. tehehee … sorry (burp)
Mannu: Chal beach jaate hai
Abhi: Chal
Iyer: Tumlog kyu karte ho yaar aisa (wimps)
Alap: Lemme finish this man
Andy: Chal Ontoes jaate hai
Baangd: (burp) .. OTS
Paro: Mein ghar jaa rah hoon
Bird: (on phone) Aayi Mee yeto, Khalits Aai, Abhijeet Barobar
Bird: (on phone) Khalits hai Aayi
Baangd: tehehee
Abhi: Ae bird chal re beach jaate hai
Bird: Nahi re late ho gaya
Iyer: Mujhe bhi ..
Alap: Shut up biatch
Baand: tehehee
Alap: oki i need to go do tatti
Abhi: (to waiter) Bill
Baangd: (burp) … OTS

Glossary of terms used:
CT: Coastal Treat (our hub)
OTS: One toight slap
(burp): burp
biatch: bitch
tatti: shit
krupal: guest appearance (no other description available)