Statue of Puberty

Technology has been our friend for a very long time now. Right from the time our Neanderthal friends started using the first of hand tools (which BTW, is pretty handy now, mostly used to scare pigeons that want to hump in your bedroom and on occasions to pelt away at your boss when he’s not watching), thru’ to the weapons age which carried a history of pain inciting methods and finally on to the computer age (and very soon perhaps the robotic age).

We invented the airplane a hundred years back. People could now travel the world (with a hole in their pocket) just for kicks, make business trips, flirt with stewardesses and on occasions drop bombs on unsuspecting countries.

A subsidiary of the above meant that people could travel to remote places of Africa and hump monkeys and just for fun hump humans immediately after traveling back. Humpsters that we are, HIV and a pleth of other monkey-hump-cycle-invoked diseases (which otherwise sat pretty inside the monkey) came out to travel in airplanes. In case you know the person responsible, and if he traveled by road, just for information … the motor car also stands as a technological aid. If he walked his way to another country, he was a loser anyway.

Speaking of motor cars, this again was a brilliant wheel merchant in the invention scale. To the numb, the motor car in principle started off with the basic principle of the wheel (which to me is the greatest invention). We now have the luxury of not just one wheel but millions of tiny revolving rivetty structures designed specifically to meet the needs of our daily commute. We can now not only run over innocent bystanders, but also make a mockery of property worth plenty and if we’re bored, shout at hapless commuters for being stupid.

The microwave ‘wave’ took the cookstorm world by surprise too. People could not only have their food ready instantaneously but also warm their undies for that special day feel.

Theater and Cinema followed closely by Television all gave us the entertainment that was promised. Who could have come up with innovative methods to execute people, derive innate pleasure with sadistic plots in soaps based upon an even more sadistic looking mother-in-law.

The internet marked a more recent technology wave. It has revolutionalized the way we seek information and gather courage to speak to a stranger without knowing rats ass (sometimes literal) about them. We could now stupefy our persona to a level not thought of earlier. Some of the other benefits include writing crap about anything and everything you want in the world and not giving a damn (as is the case now … also refer the links on the side for more crap).

Coming to the present … news is just in that a blind pair of mice have had their eyesight restored with the first of light-sensitive cell transplants. This quite obviously means that I still have hope, and in a hundred years, I’ll be able to enjoy the wonders of science (or robotic pornography over the internet as it exists then) just like the rest of you.

Yea really, give it a thought man. There are times when the morbid swell hyperactive soul inside you jumps the gun and hits the ceiling. Dunno how much your head hurts man, but spare my ceiling the bump (also the floor when you decide to head back down)

Just yesterday, I met a dude who had power play poking into his new found love for pigeon food. And he was jumping up (barely touching ground … I wonder how he did that). And yes he embellished pigeon food. I didn’t even know pigeon food existed in retail man. I always thought pigeons ate peas, rice grains and junk (if you’re Bird). And now I know a dude who does the same (and apparently go bonkers over it). Chillax man … curb your enthusiasm.

In this land (of opportunity, XXL everything – from humans to inanimate objects, Hurricanes, Earthquakes etc.) it’s been this complete set of alter state expose for moi. To see the height of laziness that prevails here (or call it extreme enthusiasm over trivial matters), I’ll site some technological advances over many of the not so enthu countries world over.

• It’s common to find a toilet paper dispenser that operates on infra red. You put your hand around the dispenser and … Tadaa … we have paper rolling out man … Geniusss … But for that million dollar question … WHYYYY???. Will I break my tendons pulling that damn toilet paper mann? But hey, they thought of this first.
• Ahh and then there’s a small piece of machinery which, ok dig this …. OPENS Soda Cans. How difficult is that man? Some people think it’s rocket science though.
• There was a patent issued last year for a Light Bulb Changing device (yes … light bulb)
• It’s also common to find speed gun detecting machines in vehicles (although illegal in most states). These devices detect a policemen’s speed gun way before you reach its scope, and hence you have enough time to slow down to the speed limit. Now, the policemen here are not Pandus. They’ve come up with a damn device which detects these devices in the cars man. I don’t understand when and where this will end. The speed buggies will now invent a device which cloaks their device and then the police would find a way to find the cloaking device and thereafter the damn speed gun detector. Stop it man, you’re killing me here!!!
• Toilet Snorkel – This one rocks. Now what would you do if there’s a fire in your apartment and there’s smoke all around you and you’re waiting for the firemen to rescue you and are gasping for air with all the smoky fumes around you? Oh yea … go to your toilet and start breathing sewage air. There’s a small tube which is installed in your commode (comes out by the side of the toilet seat and is hooked on to the end of the sewage area which is typically used for sewage vent. And yes the idea is that, you’d rather breathe this filth than the toxic fumes. This one takes the pick man. You’re alive and your breath smells like shit. Also, if you don’t make it (let’s hope this never happens to anyone), seriously, what a way to go man.
• Toilet Landing Lights – For guys, have you ever had trouble aiming in the dark? Well look no further, say hello to the blue LED landing lights (with water reflectors) which lit up not just your spraying area, but also the spray itself when you have a go in the dark. (wowi … how thoughtful!!!)

You never know man, they might just make waterproof teabags very soon … grow up guys … and yea curb it!

Ahh well all this talk of toilet and technology makes me take a leak now. Now where’s that solar torch? Oh I forget … we have landing lights here.

PS: Bird, you want me to trash this bird food enthusiast? Tell me, I’m larger than him and I eat meat.

Imagine this …

Near Future addons for Google Talk: Speculations on their launch of PC-to-Phone capability with their tie ups with Gizmo Project and also with the incorporation of directory services (these are my thoughts) using their own search engine.

Case:
1. You want to book a room in Goa without the hassles of having middle tiers (travel agencies and the likes) to eat up the commisions.
2. You open up Google Talk
3. Search for your favorite group of hotels (or just search for any damn hotel in Goa)
4. Call the numbers displayed on the screen against a full fledged description of the hotel with pics
5. You make your calls based on your choice (of course, but perhaps we’ll also have reviews and star ratings, now that’d be nice)
6 . Add them to your address book (if you want to)
7. Alternatively use your cellphones to connect to you PC via a USB bluetooth telephony device (something similar to this will become common grounds very soon) that supports connecting to SIP protocols (and the newer VOIP protocols) and thereafter make calls directly from your cellphone with to n fro transfer of address book and related data.

Note: You may choose to replace Calling Hotels in Goa with anything else which might seem the need of the hour (viz. Pizzas, Movie Tickets, Home service barber among a crazy billion others)

Just a thought …

… and i buy meself a Logitech Momo Force-feedback Wheel and a Western Digital 320 GB USB drive …